Back in the sea, looking for fish.

I’ve been MIA for a bit because I was actually dating someone really great. But like Communism, was perfect on paper but didn’t work out in practice. We had chemistry, but not the right chemistry.

We dated for about three months and kinda knew going into it we weren’t going to marry each other. But, both of us were sick of dating jerks, so we fell into this sweet little relationship. We talked about staying friends if something should happen and we actually did after our schedules drifted us apart. It was pretty much the ideal, except now my standards have been raised big time so the possibility of going back out there seems daunting.

This guy politely pursued me. He lives where I work and would stop by the office everyday but didn’t stalk me. He never said anything verbally crude or misogynistic. (A rare occurrence for myself and anyone with ovaries) He texted back right away and initiated the conversation. Never did either of us make the other feel insecure or needy.

Of course it filtered into my stand up, I’ve been writing some jokes about it here.

While we dated, he held doors and took me to nice restaurants. He planned concerts, comedy shows knowing that was interesting to me.

And yes, this guy had money so some of this was fun because of that, but really it was nice because he asked me out in advance and planned dates. Not 1 am drunk texts that lead into “you wanna go to a movie?” the afternoon after, real planned dates. The kind that leave you vulnerable because your intentions are actually known.

It wasn’t so much what we did on the dates, but the fact that he actually wanted to take me on a date and would ask me on Monday “if he could take me out on Friday”, that was the most amazing part of it. He respected me and my time enough to book me in advance. This makes it sound like a business transaction, but it actually would give me something to look forward to all week. Then when the date happened I was excited to see him and dress up knowing that I was actually going on a date.

So I want to say thank you to him for restoring my faith that there are genuine, kind, loving men out there. For reaffirming that I am worthy of such wonderful treatment in a romantic relationship and for teaching me what the heck a frittata is. (Delicious, that’s what)

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Old Men…

As a comic that talks about dating I get a lot of weirdos after shows ask me out because I made one joke which in their mind makes them qualified to hit on me, while ignoring all of the other things I said I am looking for in a guy.

I was at an open mic when another comic referred to my joke about dating a fat guy. This guy is not only fat, but old. Like probably 50, I’m 24. Come on.

He said “so, would you want to grab coffee sometime, like on a date?” “Aren’t you a little old for me?” I replied dumbfounded this was happening as I have never shown any interest in him or even laughed at any of his jokes. “I’m not dead yet. And I’m employed” Although having a pulse and a job are on the list of things I’m looking for, it is not the entire list…

Dear Men of the Internet, please use common sense.If someone shows absolutely no interest in you, (and especially if you work together AND you could be their parent) don’t ask them out. I give men kudos, because asking someone out is scary but only do it if someone is giving you body language hints that are welcoming such an offer

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Movie Theatre Massage?

I was listening to 2nd Date Update on the radio and heard a ridiculous story. The guy didn’t know why the lady wouldn’t call him back after their first date. She picks up and claims “really? It’s kinda embarrassing. I don’t know why he is confused.”

Apparently the guy texted the girl while they were in a movie theatre mid-movie. The text was asking for a hand job.

Now, I understand the phrase “you never know unless you ask” and “the larger the risk the larger the reward”. But realize you are taking a risk. And an educated guess could tell you it is a large, large one in asking so early. IMG_8975

Don’t Be Confusing On “Dates”!

Don’t ask if I want to go to dinner, talk about how you love paying for women and taking them out and then ask “are you gonna pay for half?” when the check comes. 

And then- don’t text me after asking to see me again and say “I almost kissed you”… you didn’t, and you shouldn’t have after a tacky confusing move like that. 

Don’t reply masturbating and eating…

Dear Men of Internet Dating,

When I ask “So what do you like to do in your free time?” Do not reply “masturbating and eating”.

Not only is it crude, but it also shows you have no need for me… You fly a solo ship and I’m not a great cook… next.

Sincerely,
Just because I’m a comedian you don’t get to say stupid shit and think it’s cute

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Dear Men of the Internet, Welcome!

Dear Men of the Internet,

Welcome! This blog is for you. And me. And other women to vent our frustration about you.

If you (men) want to vent frustration about us, that would be great as we’d love to see an increase in communication.

I hope to offer stories, and …hope for all of us to learn from each other and make this confusing world of dating a little less confusing.

Sincerely,
I don’t want to die alone, please up your game